We are all unique individuals who come from different backgrounds, have different life experiences, and have our own strengths and weaknesses. We are all created equally imperfect. There is really no reasonable way to decide which flaws are worse than another. Yet, we judge each other based on an arbitrary standard derived from our acquired random personal preferences and our subjective belief of how things should be. These standards that we use to judge others may be faulty to begin with. Because I randomly decided I like the color blue, I could potentially judge those who prefer other colors as having poor taste. I work long hours and stay up late at night in pursuit of my dreams. This does not mean I am more hardworking than those who approach life differently, but I could potentially judge them as lazy or unmotivated. Burning the candle on both ends and subjecting my body to extreme stress surely can be seen by some as a bad idea. The only standard that really matters in judging right or wrong, good or bad, acceptable or unacceptable, desirable or undesirable, is God’s standards. The human mind is limited and biased, hence, incapable of making this determination.
Matthew 19:30: “But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.”
Being judgmental is the result of an unchecked ego. We judge others when we are drunk with the delusion of being morally and intellectually superior over them. We believe we can do no wrong and have done no wrong. We cannot imagine how we can make mistakes when we work so hard to pursue knowledge, to be disciplined, and to be meticulous and attentive to our tasks. In case we are insecure about how we are viewed by others, being judgmental gives us the false assurance that we are better than the one being judged. In case we are ourselves guilty of the misconduct we are accusing others about, judging them shifts the guilt away from us and transiently makes us feel righteous.
We really do not have any right to judge anyone unless we know every facet of their life and have all the facts available for us to formulate the correct conclusion. It is unfair to look at one small truth and make a generalization about a person. Even if we try, it is not possible to really know what is truly going on in the lives of those we meet. A lot of people walk around with a smile on their faces, and yet, they may be suffering tremendously deep within. Some people can be crude or distant on the surface, but they may have the kindest of hearts. We just can never know. No one would be willing to fully divulge to acquaintances or even non-close friends about all that is going on in their lives. Why would they or should they? They do not owe us an explanation about anything. Even the best of friends or spouses are sometimes not willing to make themselves completely vulnerable and share with the other all their deepest thoughts, insecurities, pain, and other emotions. Some things we want to keep to ourselves. We all reserve a space in our hearts and minds that can only be tapped by God and us.
There is really no need to judge anyone. Judging others does not change or fix anything. It only allows you to state that you are right, and the other person is wrong, regardless of whether that is true or not. If our goal is to help someone see the truth, with the hope that they make changes in their ways, we should approach them with love and kindness. Being judgmental makes people defensive and unwilling to listen. Pointing out the truth to others should be just that, an objective discussion of only the facts. There is no need to add adjectives when stating the truth. There is no need to give an opinion, advice, or criticism unless we are asked. There is no need to formulate a conclusion or judgment about the truth being discussed. Even if we think we are 100% right about an issue, there is no need for us to force our opinion on others. We need to keep in mind that correcting someone is an act of love, while judging someone is a selfish act that is meant to inflate our own ego. An act of love is selfless; hence, the goal is the good of others. We should live and let live. What other people ultimately decide about their lives is their choice. Our God-dictated responsibilities are to offer help, make ourselves available, and live our lives in such a way as to inspire people and draw them to a life of righteousness. Each moment we spend judging others is a moment lost to work on our shortcomings and improve ourselves. Each time we judge others against our own arbitrary standard of how to live, we become disappointed and depressed as we are reminded of the times we failed to meet those same standards we set for others.
Let’s turn the discussion around and imagine yourself sitting in front of five people that you only know superficially. You were called in by this committee to be judged; you did not ask for it. You do not work for them or owe them anything and are under no obligation to be subjected to this. Each of them will have five minutes to say what they think about any aspect of you. No questions will be asked by either side, and you will not be allowed to make any statements. You will simply listen to what they have to say. Do you think any of them might say something about you that is not true? Do you think any of them might judge you harshly or unfairly about something? Would you be happier if you do not have to sit in front of five mere acquaintances and be judged like this?
Matthew 7:1-5: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”