Modern day living is highly competitive, such that being gentle is not something that is encouraged. The opposite is true, where being assertive, bullish, demanding, and unyielding are taught at a very young age, and gentleness is perceived as weakness. In Matthew 5:5, Jesus said, “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” To be gentle or meek is to know that we have the strength to do something but have the self-mastery to decide not to take action because it is not necessary. It shows strength of character and resolve, instead of weakness.
When we disagree with the opinion of others, our natural tendency is to let them know they are wrong, and we are right. When others offend us, it is often our nature to fight back and pay them back for the wrong they’ve done. The societal norm is to be firm and forceful, with clear intent and resolve. Although this may be necessary in certain situations, and that’s why we train to deal with them in that manner, in many relatively mundane circumstances, a gentle approach is more desirable and possibly, more effective. A trained soldier with combat skills to win battles does not need to utilize those skills when dealing with a misbehaving toddler. In the appropriate situation, being gentle or meek is not being weak. We do not always need to yell to be heard. We do not always need to demand in order to get results. We do not always need to coerce to persuade. Sometimes, less is more. I’m a gastroenterologist who does colonoscopies, and I’ve learned that to be able to reach the top-most end of the colon, I cannot just keep pushing the scope. Many times, it requires pulling the scope back to propel it forward. I’ve received massages to treat the spasms on my back and shoulders. Although it feels good for the therapist to pound on my muscles into submission, I’ve learned that it is more effective to apply intense pressure followed by briefly letting up to allow blood flow to the muscles and clear out the toxins that make the muscles spasm. Similarly, cooking beef stew cannot be rushed with high fire. In Proverbs 15:1, it says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Hard as it may be, channeling all our will power to be gentle despite the desire to be blunt, can spare us from unnecessary headaches and frustrations. It can calm an angry person and put to shame a cold-hearted offender.
Even when we know we are right and others are wrong, we do not need to correct people all the time. And when others do not agree with what we believe is true, we do not need to continue arguing our point until they give in. It is responsible of us to share the truth as we know it, but it is not our responsibility to make everyone agree with us. We do not need to always have the last say. It is okay to let people believe they won the argument, even if we know they didn’t. When someone desperately wants something that rightly belongs to us, and giving it up is relatively inconsequential to us, give it up. When pursuing a goal could cause suffering for the people we love or care about and giving it up only means losing an opportunity or a mere inconvenience, give it up. Being gentle does not mean we don’t pursue, persevere, or fight. It is choosing not to, even if we can, because it is not the right thing to do or it isn’t necessary. It takes strength of character to give up a low hanging fruit because of belief in a higher purpose. Love is an abstract concept that is made tangible by behaviors born from it, such as being gentle, kind, forgiving, and patient. Learning these is learning how to love more. Loving more leads to true happiness.
While it is important to focus on being gentle towards others, learning to be gentle to ourselves is paramount. Oftentimes, we are our harshest critics. We constantly reprimand ourselves for every little mistake we make and deny ourselves the grace we would normally show others. If we approve and accept ourselves for who we are, we wouldn’t need to seek them from others. Until we learn to be truly gentle to ourselves, we will never be able to do the same for others. We live with ourselves 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and there is no escaping. To be able to live happily, we should be our own best friend, the kind we always long to have.
Be gentle to everyone, including ourselves. This way, life will be peaceful at home, at work, and in the community. We will be happier and more productive. This is a counter-culture proposition that is not going to be easy to achieve. It is what we have been taught not to be. The only motivation that will sustain our efforts in becoming so is the desire to please God. To be gentle is to be loving, just as God wants us to be.