It is possible to allow ourselves to feel various emotions and yet, not suffer. Negative emotions hurt, but there are people who avoid experiencing even the positive ones for fear of the pain they might bring along. To feel loved and to become successful, for example, make a person happy and content. But because they may not last forever or long enough, they can lead to loneliness and disappointment. To feel is human. The myriad of emotions that life brings enrich us and create a profound human experience that transforms us. Those who refuse to feel for fear of suffering will realize that not feeling is suffering, in itself. We are not machines who calculate, and process information purely based on facts and equations. What makes us human is our ability to experience and show emotions. Our physical body can climb and run, but it is our soul that feels. Our body decays over time, but our soul continues to be transformed to a higher level of existence by both the positive and negative emotions it is exposed to. It is just like a tree that grows deeper roots and stronger trunks because of the harsh elements it is subjected to. We should not be afraid of emotions and should not resist them. They are a natural part of daily living and will come and go whether we want them to or not. Our goal should not be to avoid them, but rather, learn how to manage them. Manage them to where they benefit us, rather than hurt us.
As dark colors complement the bright ones in a painting, negative emotions highlight the value of the positive ones. Furthermore, the negative ones can be the drivers of change and growth. The grief from losing a loved one, teaches us to value those we have around us. It reveals to us how much we loved the person we lost. It reminds us of the brevity of life. It also tests our faith in God and our beliefs about God’s promises. Anger can motivate us to change what is wrong around us. It breeds the passion to spur us to help others who suffer the same fate. The pain and hurt caused by spouses and friends who betray us teach us how to evaluate characters and protect us from repeating the same mistake. Loneliness leads us to search for and lean on God and experience his constant and reliable presence. Missing someone or longing for someone uncovers the love between two people, that would otherwise be taken for granted. Dealing with the stresses of work, relationships, and the struggles of everyday life help us develop resilience and strength to cope. Anxiety about a health concern or financial difficulty can humble us. We learn that money cannot buy us health and they both can be here today and gone tomorrow. The more important things in life become more obvious, and our need for God becomes more urgent.
It is unhelpful and impractical to tell someone who is struggling with negative emotions to not think about what they are thinking. Or to try convincing them that they have no reason to feel that way. And yet, many well-meaning people do this. To try to not think about something actually makes you think about it more; it does not help. Replacing a negative thought with a blissful one is worth a try, but it may not be sustainable. It takes a lot of effort to resist going back to what you tried so hard to replace. The struggling person’s energy tank is already low to begin with; there may not be enough reserves to pull from. Although we have the choice whether to dwell on a negative feeling or not, and whether to nurture it from a molehill to a mountain, we do not have control over the coming and going of emotions which is a force of nature like wind and light. How each person processes them depends on their past experiences and personalities. Hence, it would be insensitive to tell someone that they have no reason to feel the way they are feeling. It sends the wrong message to the person you are trying to comfort that you do not want to deal with their situation.
Waves in the ocean are created by energy passing through water; wind is one of the energies that creates this. It rises to its crest and eventually drops to its trough, only to repeat itself again. In order for emotions not to consume us, we need to view it as an outside energy passing through us like the wind passing through water. It creates turbulence in us causing us to feel elated at one moment and deflated the next. Because we refer to the emotions we experience as a wave of energy that is separate from us, it is something we can choose to merely observe. Watch as anger flows through you when someone acted rudely towards you. Your blood begins to boil. Your neck and shoulder muscles tighten up. Your sense of angst is rising to its crest. You suddenly recognize that you are experiencing anger and realize that you are not that energy that is causing the turbulence in you. You watch it reach its crest and fade into its trough. You no longer feel angry. You are calm and you are back to who you are. The energy of anger passed but you are still alive. You realize that you are a person who just experienced the energy but separate from it. That energy called anger can only come to life when it comes through you. It can only be seen when you act out what it made you feel. It will only linger on if you nurture it to life. It is like a virus that depends on its host to live and to be transmitted; you have to be a willing host for it to live on. Emotions come and go, and they do not stay. Knowing this is encouraging as there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel. Just hang in there long enough, sleep it off, and observe the negative energy expend itself and blend with space.
In order to experience life at its fullest, we need to allow ourselves to feel emotions that come our way. They enrich our experience of life and transform us to become the person God meant for us to be. We have to be careful not to let emotions destroy us or run our lives. We need to learn how to manage them. The most important step in this process is to accept our emotions. It is part of life, it is necessary, and it is a natural human experience. We should learn how to interact with our emotions and not struggle to resist it. Resisting what is natural is what causes us to suffer. Surfers do not fight the waves. They ride the different kinds of waves that come their way and interact with them, lest they crash. Have the courage to feel. Take a chance at being happy and becoming a better person even if it means having to go through pain to get there. Not all pain causes suffering if you choose to take the right perspective.