We do not have much power or control over anything in this world. We are not guaranteed good health just because we eat right, take vitamins, and stay away from sick people. We cannot “make” children just because we are ready to have them. Doctors cannot truly heal a patient. He can prescribe antibiotics but that does not always treat the infection. We can be determined, diligent, and passionate in life, but success does not always follow. The only absolute power we have in this life is the ability to FORGIVE. We alone hold the power to determine if we would forgive someone, and when to do so. This is a decision we can make independent of whether the other person deserves it or asks for it. No one can force us to forgive, and no one can stop us from forgiving. Even the most “powerful” ruler in this world cannot outmatch this power that we alone hold. Every single day, we have hundreds of interactions with various people. It is not difficult to encounter someone who would offend, betray, or neglect us. Hence, there are many opportunities each day to exercise the one true power we have, and to experience the majestic powers of royalties.
There are a lot of things I want to change about myself. Hard as I try, I still fail more than I succeed. In his letter to the Romans, St. Paul echoed exactly how I feel. He said, “I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway (Romans 7:18-19).” The recurring reminders of my human frailty keep me humble. They taught me not to put unreasonable expectations on others. Many times, I had been shown grace when I was less than lovable. Who am I then to lord it over others, when their human nature got the better of them? Thank God, over the years, I have become more forgiving and became happier. I find it more satisfying to forgive than to bear the burden of holding a grudge. We all make mistakes, and I’m sure, we do our best not to. We want to say the right things, but sometimes, we still end up saying something unwise and offensive. We want to be thoughtful, but sometimes, we get busy and forget the people who really matter to us. Let us just live and let live. Let us be quick to forgive just as we had been forgiven. In Matthew 7:3, Jesus said, “Why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?” When we can’t even make ourselves do the right thing when we have full control of our actions, how can we expect to change how others act and think, when we have no control over them? When confronted with situations where change is needed, it is better to focus on figuring out what we should do and can do. We should avoid getting trapped in the hamster wheel, dwelling on what others are doing wrong and figuring out how to make them listen to us tell them what they should be doing.
When others are being judgmental and unfair, I would focus my efforts on making sure I am not the same way towards them. Hopefully, they will be inspired by my action and follow my example. When someone I have loved deeply loves me back superficially, I will not withhold love when it is required. I can only control what I give, and I will let God determine what I receive. When someone does not invest the same effort in a relationship, I would continue to try to add value to it and hope my sole efforts are enough to sustain it. If it were not enough, the relationship would wither and die, and the problem takes care of itself. When we wonder why some people choose to live in the dark, remember that we were once there, and others chose to be patient and loving towards us and gave us time to find the light on our own; consider the possibility that loving unconditionally may be the best approach. When we are overwhelmed with the injustices, poverty, and sufferings that surround us and wonder where God is and what everyone is doing about them, ask yourself, “Is this not why God gave me life and put me here on earth?”
Even if I know I am entitled to something, I do not necessarily need to lay claim to it; I can choose to be generous and give up what is mine. Even if I know I am right, I do not necessarily need to make the people around me feel they are wrong; not everything that is wrong is consequential. Even if I have the strength and the skills to crush those who seek to destroy me, I can decide to walk away and not say a word; sometimes no response is the best defense. Sometimes, giving up something is the only way to get peace and happiness in return. In your lifetime, you must have tried the “an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth,” “what is mine is mine,” and “what is right is right” approaches. Where did that get you? If the norm failed you before, why not try a different approach?
Let me end by quoting St. Paul in his letter to the Romans (Romans 12:17-18, 20-21). “Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads. Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.”