Sometimes, one’s perception of a situation is real only in that person’s mind. This could lead to unnecessary hurts and unfulfilled expectations. For example, a close friend who normally sends you a text or calls you every day failed to do so yesterday. You happened to not feel well that day and wished someone was there for you. Your interpretation of the situation was your friend did not care, and your conclusion was he or she had never been a true friend to you. Your mind made a big leap from the only fact you had, which was your friend failed to send you a text or call yesterday, to a damaging unproven conclusion that you had been friends with a fake all these years. Imagine the suffering you must have endured because of this.
In the gospel, Jesus said, “you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Although Jesus was alluding to a higher spiritual truth, this teaching applies to many levels of your everyday mundane lives. Oftentimes, the truth, no matter how dire, does not cause as much suffering as your interpretation of the truth and assumptions of its implications. In the above example, the only truth at the moment was that you did not receive a text or call that you were expecting. That, in and of itself, was harmless and neutral. What was hurtful and negative was the unfounded conclusion you made that you’ve been misled all these years, and your friend was unworthy. This negativity surely led to more negative thoughts that extended way into the future. This perceived betrayal made you believe that this will happen again, and result in more consequential losses for you. Let’s try a more serious example. What if you were diagnosed with a serious illness, like cancer? When you heard what the doctor just told you, the only truth you had at the time was that you have cancer. As I am sure this is devastating news, the expected response would be to think how awful this is, how difficult surgery and/or chemotherapy would be, and how little time you have left. These responses are your opinion of the fact you just received, and assumptions you made. You labeled cancer as awful, which it is. You labeled and assumed that the treatment would be difficult. And you interpreted the diagnosis of cancer as the end of everything you lived for. All your responses are appropriate, but not all your assumptions are true. You then feel horrible, and you suffered deeply. There is no doubt it would be overwhelming to receive a diagnosis of cancer. As bad as the situation is, there is no need to make it worse. The goal is to be able to cope and have peace despite the odds. You cannot deny the truth, hence, you should accept it. But what is the present truth? The truth is the diagnosis you just heard. Your opinion about the truth is what perturbs you. Having this awareness helps you strategize on how to achieve your goal of peace; accept the truth and forgo the opinion. When your assumptions become truth, you address it like you did the first truth.
Your interpretation of a situation is often influenced by the emotional state you are in. It is dangerous to be led solely by your emotions. There is an acronym called H.A.L.T. which stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired, that is commonly used to remind people who have addiction problems and going through rehabilitation, that these are potential triggers for relapse. They are reminded to halt or stop and think before pursuing a thought. This same reminder can help prevent you from making wrong conclusions about situations when you are in a compromised emotional state.
More than success, wealth, and health, I yearn for peace of mind. I also wish that for people I love. If I have peace, I am in a state of true happiness. To achieve this, you must focus on just the truth. You process numerous thoughts each day, many are unnecessary and toxic. In one of the examples above, if you had acknowledged only the truth that was at hand, that you did not receive a text or call from someone who usually does daily, and left it at that, you would have kept your peace. That was what was true at that moment and that’s all that mattered. What you thought might have been the reason it did not happen, need not be entertained as it was unverified. What your friend had done in the past should also not matter. What you think your friend might become in the future should not matter as well. I know this is a seemingly shallow and inconsequential example, but these are the little sufferings that eat us up on a daily basis. They damage our psyche and our mental health more than the rare major life events. It is important to understand that it is usually not the reality that robs us of our joy. It is oftentimes our interpretation or misrepresentation of reality that does. Say, in this example, what if your friend was not able to call you because he or she was deathly ill? That was not something that you would have known at that time. Your knee-jerk reaction was to think badly of your friend because of how you felt. And if we were to flip the story around, your friend could have been disappointed as well, that you failed to be there for him or her at a time of need. If we take things at face value and just stick to the truth that we know for sure, and not dabble in second guesses and assumptions based on past experiences, we could spare ourselves a lot of these unnecessary pain. As soon as I say this, I’m sure some of you would be thinking, “what if this keeps happening over and over again?” That question is not about a fact but a possibility. It’s about the future. We should all live in the here and now, deal with what is true today, trust that God is watching over us, and deal with the truth of the future when it becomes the here and now. For now, accept and focus only what you are sure is true. Let the truth speak for itself, and do not editorialize the truth. In the end, you might realize that life isn’t too bad after all.